Biting
by GoldenLily
Summary: Jade tries a new ending, and Beck is there to save her


Jade West lay motionless in a bathtub full of hot sudsy water. Upon first glance, everything was fine. Normal. Second glance? The water was tinted rosy red. The steam fogged the mirrors closed. There was a razor that had bit into her skin again and again until the pain was so burning and awful she passed out. The straightedge cut into her skin and bit until she cried. She sobbed and raged and just kept cutting until every bit of her anger and resentment and hurt and sadness bled out of her into the water, sweeping it away. her mind finally stopped whirring to a slow numb fog. Everything finally just slowed down from its roaring pace, where everything hurt and she never measured up.

She slowly slipped away, far from here…

Jade became aware of being awake in a white hazy room that was much too bright, so she didn't even try to open her eyes. Her broken bruised heart was gaping open, pouring every ounce of blood she has left. She failed. Again. She never won. Why did she expect to now? …well. Because it hurt so badly, and she tried so hard to die. She can never do anything right. Why God? Why? Why can't you just let me die? Those were her last thoughts before sinking back down to not having to think.

"Jade…oh Jade…wake up…Jade…" these words were swimming to her from so very, very, far away. The fog would not lift, her fluttering eyelids would not open. She felt lips on her hairline and then everything went black again.

For the longest time nothing was stable. She was floating. And suddenly everything assembled itself, fell into line and place. She pried her eyes open, and everything was there. It was dark. Late, very late from the looks of things in the hospital. She expected her mother, but instead a dark haired boy was draped across the end of her bed, slumped from his position in the chair scooted as close to the bed as it could possible go.

"_Beck_?" she thought, "_no way. Not after everything that went down_."

***FLASHBACK***

_Jade held the letter in her shaking hand. Hiding in the student lounge of Hollywood Arts she gently pried the seal open. NYU. Beck and Jade applied together, now all there was to do is get in._

"_Babe? What's wrong?" Beck tentatively asked at lunch. "You look furious."_

_Jade took stock, finding that she was pissed. Deeply angry, and below that, disappointed. In NYU, but mostly in herself. How could she not get into NYU? She worked so hard on her scripts, her acting, her singing, her dancing. Hours of typing that strained her eyes, monologues that left her feeling so empty after throwing every bit of emotion into them, days' worth of scales and warm-up and notes and trying to perfect every little thing. The keys of the piano. High kicks and jazz squares. Operatic notes. Scenes that will evoke a torrent of emotion. And now…all for this? Waitlisted. Basically rejected._

"_Furious?" she said in a deadly calm. "Yeah, that might be it. So, how does it feel to have gotten into NYU Beck?" she knew she was picking a fight, but she just couldn't stop. She needed a distraction. She needed to expel this anger and hatred onto someone else._

"_What do you mean Jade?" he asked cautiously she knew he was excited- they had a celebratory dinner at a fancy restaurant and planned where they wanted to go apartment hunting._

"_I mean you have this perfect happy ending planned out for us. Well, what if it doesn't? Guess who got WAITLISTED TODAY AT NYU WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT BECK? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY? NOTHING." She was yelling by now, causing a scene, but she couldn't stop._

_His face dropped. He felt her pain. He felt every single bit of it as though it were his own. He knew she had staked every hope on this acceptance, they both had. Sure, they had backup colleges, but none like NYU. _

"_Babe, I'm so sorry…"he trailed off, unable to translate his sorrow._

"_Yeah. Sure you are. You know what? Don't let me stop you. Find some other girl to apartment hunt with you, and go to acting class with you, live happily ever after. I'm out." And with that, she picked up her books and dumped her lunch onto the ground. People were far past staring politely from the corners of their eyes- people fully stopped conversations and eating to watch hungrily._

_It was leave or breakdown in front of all of them. Sinjin walked by unknowingly in her path, and she pushed him over a short ledge into the grass._

"_Hey!" he shouted angrily._

"_GET OVER IT!" she yelled to him, and to herself._

But she stared and stared until she realized it was. Beck, here for her. Even after everything she said and did.

"Beck?" she whispered out loud. "Beck!" she said a little louder, wanting him to wake up and see his dark eyes.

"Mmfg?" he shifted a bit, stirring himself awake. He lifted his head and broke into a genuine smile, "Jade?" and with that, the utterance of her name, she burst into tears.

"Oh no, Jade, no it's ok." He stood, shook himself awake a little more, and strode over to take her in his arms.

"Ouch!" she yelped, startled out of her tears for a moment, at the pain that shot through her when he brushed her forearm in reaching around her.

She looked down for the first time. It shocked her, the huge white bandages, rosy from where the blood had leaked onto it. They covered her from neck to toe. Her forearm, where she carved marks into them, trying to release the sadness. Her wrists, where she tried to flaw the skin that could not type a better story. Her thighs, where she tried to cut into the skin that didn't kick high enough, grape line fast enough. And lastly, her throat, where she tried to cut into and find the vocal chords that failed her.

The tears came fast and loose.

"Babe no…oh Jade…why?" he rocked her back and forth, as slowly and gently as possible, like a broken baby bird. "Why would you do this to me?" he murmured into her hair.

"Because." She said dully, drained of tears and of life, "I have nothing left to lose. I lost you, I lost NYU, and I failed what I have worked my entire life to do."

Beck looked into her eyes, and leaned his forehead against hers, the only place she wasn't cut to ribbons. "Jade West. You got waitlisted; you by no means lost me. I am in love with you. In fact, graduation night, I was gonna give you this." He tossed a box onto her lap.

A black velvet box. Jade's breath caught. She never thought she would receive this promise. This oath.

Beck looked worried. "I know it's a little old fashioned, and most kids our age don't want to be tied down. Which I get, I mean, we could have a super long engagement or something…please say something."

Jade reached forward with shaking arms. From loss of blood or from fear, she wasn't sure. She cracked the lid open. There was a solitary circle cut diamond, surrounded by tiny deep blue diamonds. It was perfect. It screamed vintage, simplistic, and multi-dimensional. Just like her. Set in a platinum band of curlicues, it fit her ring finger perfectly. Cat must have helped with that.

"Beck?" she looked up, her heart in her eyes.

"Yeah?" he looked at her, fear in his. Of losing her, whether to the world or to death.

"I…I never thought you would love me forever." And with that she started crying a little more. "I thought I lost everything when I didn't get into NYU. What happens now?"

He kissed her so gently it was like a ghost across her lips. It held the promise of everything in the world. "Who cares about NYU? I have the most perfect _fiancé_ in the world. We'll go somewhere else. It's NYU's loss. You're my life. My love."

"I love you Beck." It was the first time she ever said it first. He noticed.

"I will always love you. Just please, never try and leave me again." He carefully crawled into the hospital bed with her, careful not to jostle her an inch. He wrapped his arms around her, and they fell asleep, Jade curled into his chest, his face tangled into her hair.

*!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Three weeks later Jade was accepted to NYU off the waiting list. Beck and she went together. Found an apartment in Williamsburg, and later upgrading to SoHo. Jade double majoring in musical theatre and Screenplay. Minoring in acting. Beck majoring in acting and minoring in directing.

They married two years later, Cat the maid of honor, Andre the best man. Cat and Robbie were already married, Cat finding solace from the world in the kind hearted boy she once kissed, Robbie having enough strength to let Rex go in favor of Cat's love. Tori ended up starring in a few movies and deferring college for the moment, hot and heavy with Andre. Word is he's ready to propose any day now.

Jade wore a black ball gown that held a blood red sash and purple and red roses in her bouquet. Beck wore black Armani. They married in a local theatre, onstage, people in the audience. But it was like there were only two of them in the world.

And they found a way to survive. Jade falling sometimes, but Beck would pick her back up. And they made their way.


End file.
